So not even a day into dating Tishen-kun, Caleb-kun says he won't be able to stand even talking to me while I'm like this... happy without him, I suppose he thinks. He wants us to go our separatee ways and wants to date other people, live a life that hasn't always been intertwined with mine, even when I was dating other people.
I asked him if I'd hurt him, if I've always been hurting him. It didn't really matter he'd said no. I'd failed him, I thought.
Tishen-kun asked how Caleb was. When I told him he wouldn't really tell him how badly I was hurting him, he comforted me by telling me how happy I was making him.
I can make people happy.
I can make people smile.
I can even make people say they're 'smitten' for me.
But I can't make them love me as much as he does.
And I love so many people. I might even come to love Tishen-kun?
But it's the same for me. I may love him more than Katie-chan, Kitkat-chan, even my forced, running-out-of-time, never-want-to-let-the-memories-fade love for Jekka-nee and Kitty-mama.
So I cry and tell him I need him and he tells me he needs me and we love each other again.
And I'll slip up and accidentally talk about Tishen-kun, or he'll hear rumors.
Anything to remind him that for this little sliver of the endless eternity we'll spend together...
I'm not his.
Even though I may always be.
So for tonight, we're calming down.
Sometimes I wish tomorrow wouldn't come.
Because if it didn't, I wouldn't keep hurting him every night.
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