Kitty-nee's Journal

I'm reading Kitty-nee's (I'm backing down a bit and calling her by her twin name again. She doesn't seem like she wants to be my Mama.) thinking journal, going backwards. I don't know whether, in retrospect, she's coming out of something worse, or going deeper in.
At one point she said she doesn't want to be like Caleb-kun. This was I think February 27th or something close, a period of time where he was broken... by me. But it's better. He's better. Because we're in love. Who doesn't want Eppie-love?

One thing I know for certain is that I don't like countdowns.
Kitty-nee has lots within her pages.
Nonetheless, I'll start one. Some-odd days until they're taken from me. but that's not true at all. Nobody leaves Eppie-chan, she's special, she's been promised eternity. Eppie-chan's like Akito-san from Furuba. "Nobody will ever leave you. You have been promised eternity. A bond of blood." These people... w-we belong together. We can't be separated, not even when they walk across that stage and are packing up for college. Our seams cannot be cut apart without threatening the different fabrics edges forever. And even when they do leave, especially Jekka-nee and Kitty-nee... it's okay. I'm going with them, they will never, ever, be alone. Because Eppie-chan loves them. And love makes the miles into inches, so we can always just reach out and find... each other. Again and again.

"I'd turn pagan just to reincarnate and find you and fall in love with you all over again."

Ticklish

Every so often, Bubba-nii "resets" my nerves so I'm drastically ticklish.

However, this isn't about me. This is about Jekka-nee!
Ohhhh, I've found her ticklish place! Though it must be used in strong moderation, for if she were to become immune, or worse stern towards me! *shakes head* I'm glad she helped me today. Otherwise, I'm not sure what I would've done, me sitting there amongst the genitally (yes, not genially) arranged fruit. I'm glad she can see people's thoughts, emotions, and the such.

Now I know something that I know will physically affect her to make her happy. Ohhhh, sweet success! I'm terribly happy. Yes, because I know I can make her happy too. In new ways, if I'm feeling important! *smiles*

Watching the seniors today, I might've been extremely sad. It burned. What if this is as happy as they get? I can make them happier still then. As if every day's their last before their various cruel places separate them from each other. From me.

*shakes head*

I've found how to make each and every one of them happy. Except Mama-chan.
*fist against palm* there's my goal for the week! What makes Mama-chan happy?! *looks at feet* I mean, something I can do. I can't be Nephew. Though sometimes I wish I were, the way Mama looks at him.

So I have an accomplishment and another goal! Excellent!

Feather

So when Mama-chan told me I was this little girl, I liked her being able to know me so well to actually see me in other people. Maybe she was happy that I saw the Tohru in her when I was so like Kisa. I hope so. Kisa never left Tohru's side, and Tohru was happy with Kisa.

So I was this little girl with pink pigtails and I was happy with that until Mama told me I was just a figment of a girl's imagination. A girl like Jekka-nee. And though Mama was looking at me as if I were supposed to be frightened or appalled at the thought of being nonexistent... I wasn't. I was struck with unbelievable happiness when I was formed just because Jekka-nee was lonely. Though I'm not happy about that... imaginary friends can come along without us really realizing we're making them, or it can be intentional. For the first, it's fate, just like Jekka-nee and me meeting, learning about each other... I remember the first time she called me soeur. I had it written on my hand and kept retracing it so it would stay. Only when I was sure it was written in my heart did I let it wash off.
Or maybe it was intentional, which would mean I, the imaginary friend, was wanted. For a little bit, I was needed by her, and there might be something terribly sad about having to disappear, but I don't think so. After all, I'd done my job, hadn't I? I'd kept her safe and secure and happy until I had to hand her off to someone else.

Maybe I'd like to be an imaginary friend. Though Jekka-nee said it was sad, it reminds me of what I'd been thinking during Coraline. I'd thought "I would like to be those button-eyed people. Not the Other Mother, just the people there to make that one person happy, even just for a few hours maybe. I'd like to be able to just focus on that one person and make sure I can make them happy, dedicating my existence to them." And imaginary friends do just that. They can't leave you, they don't want to. They don't want to get you angry, they just want to heal you, help you. Have you learn.

And I'm glad I turned into a feather. Maybe I would've been sad if I'd just disappeared, terrified even. But a feather... a dainty little reminder of a pretty little bird that'd been there once, and was now somewhere else. Still flying? Warm in a nest? Cold on the sidewalk beside a nearly invisible window, because it'd been distracted? Or maybe teaching littler birds how to be like her, to bring a smile and be kind enough to leave when she's not needed, but just selfish enough to leave behind a little feather.